So, I kind of stole an iron. A Rowenta. It was $73 regular price with 30% off. I don’t normally go all out paying for (may as well be) $80 dollar irons. But hell. My old Sunbeam was full of crap. Literally. Well…full of calcium deposits…Literally. I was getting so much crud all what ever I ironed, I decided to clean the poor bastard iron. An iron my husband bought to replace the Rowenta he destroyed over 10 years ago. Not an even trade. But hey, It will get the job done. So I set out to clean the nasty thing. All I did was stir up all the crud built up from 10 years of neglect. The more I cleaned it the more crud it sputtered with each burst of steam. I said to my husband, “I think I’ll go to Joanne’s to check out their irons today, this one is full of crap!” He did not object. So off we went.
Turned out the irons were 30% off! How lovely. I decided the cheapest one at $64 was the one for me. We had to take the display box to the register so an employee could be called to bring that actual iron from the back. A measure put in place to prevent stealing of the irons. Kind of hilarious considering what happened later… Anyhoo, the thing rang up at $74. I did not catch this mistake until after I paid. At which point an employee and I walked back to check the shelf tag. The display iron was marked incorrectly. Sigh…. oh well. It’s a good iron. $58 dollars after the sale was applied. Not the worst price I could pay.
I took this lovely iron home and discovered something was rattling around inside of it. I figured it would be wise to go and exchange it for the non-rattling variety. Which I did. The lady said, “Oh, you can just run back and grab another one.” I said, “No I can’t. You have to call back and have one brought. They do not stock the irons on the shelf. Likely to prevent (cough cough) stealing” Finally she understood. Which as an employee she should have already understood. But I digress. On to the thievery. She said, as we waited for the employee to bring the iron, “I’ll just go ahead and give you a refund.” I was thinking it was pointless to refund and then re-ring the same exact item. But then again, I’m just a sensible woman. One who would 24 hours later write a rather long blog about the whole dirty scenario. I had a couple of pieces of candy which I went ahead and paid for. (Why not just pay for the candy when they re-ring the iron you ask? Because that wouldn’t be stealing, now would it?) The line was building behind me. There were not enough cashiers. The pressure was on. I said, “Here, let me step aside so you can ring the next guest.” Having already forgotten the refund.
Finally the lady brought the iron. I was explaining the previous iron had the death rattle. I wanted to check the exchange iron to be sure it was rattle-free. Indeed it was. So, I tossed it into my green bag, and walked right on out the door. Later…. about 5 hours later to be exact…. I was standing in Kroger waiting to cash in a lottery ticket on which I had won $40 bucks. When suddenly it hit me like a bolt of lightning…. I never paid for that exchange iron. God bless… I’m a thief! I called the store to ask if I could pay for it over the phone. But by the time they left me on hold for 5 minutes I just hung up. Figuring I would just call again after I actually pay for my items in “this” store. I called back and again, they left me holding. for. ever. Finally when they did get back they said, “Let me get your information and I’ll have the manager call you tomorrow!” Well shit… I may as well just go into the store in morning if that was how they were going to do it. So I came home and confessed my dastardly deed to the family, and went to bed feeling like the debil.
I returned to pay for the iron today and I have to say I feel that a weight has been lifted. But I had to point out the Irony… (get it.. IRONy!) to the cashier. The very system they have in place to prevent stealing, is pretty much what sealed the deal on me stealing this iron. Hell, am I even using that word the correct way? Is this irony? To be honest I don’t even really know the best way to use that word. So I usually do avoid it to keep from looking like an idiot.
Anyhoo, next time I try to exchange an iron maybe they should handcuff me to the counter until the deal is settled. Better not to press your luck I always say. (Get it, press your luck!) BWAHAHAHAAAA… I may be only a fraction as funny as I think I am.