Feeling “that” way.

Have you ever been attempting progress at something and been doing pretty good at it? That is until one fancy day you didn’t feel like doing it anymore, at least not in the way you were, yet you also didn’t feel like NOT doing it anymore? Can’t give up and can’t go on. It’s the kind of thing I would expect if I fell down a rabbit hole.

I have been in this new diet and exercise way of life. Not “diet” in the sense that I am “going on a diet” but “diet” in the sense that “I have changed my diet”. You know, in a sustainable and sensible way. Allowing for certain things that won’t have me binging like a wolf who just tasted the blood of his prey.  And trying not to eat things that do if I can avoid them, or at least I avoid these evils more often than not. It was going great. I had control and the desire to keep it up. Then one day not. Just for whatever reason the idea of logging, weighing, measuring and all “that” just felt like too much. Like it was in the way.  I had actually stopped losing weight though I maintained my intake at or below what was supposed to yield a loss. So I went to just not logging anymore. Eating what felt like the right amount. That was the whole purpose of logging and weighing in the first place, to get back to knowing what a normal amount of food actually is. So I’ve done that. Now what? I haven’t gained doing this so it’s bad I don’t think.

Do I keep at this thing? Do I stop? Do I change it again? Do I go this way? That way? The wrong way? The right way? I feel like I am floating around like dust in a sunbeam. Never settling on any surface but standing a great chance of getting sucked up someone’s nostril.

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Author: learninglife203

Any time I sit down to put anything in an "about me" section I draw a blank. Let's see if after all these months of having this blog I can drum something up. Hmmm.... Well I can't commit. I have trouble doing anything with the stench of permanency attached to it. I have two children and we are a home school family and we like it! I have a lifelong history of depression and roughly the past 25 years of my life panic and anxiety.I come from a long line of alcoholics and drug addicts and crazy people I'm afraid. I have always been told I am the normal one. I guess all that sobriety must have ensured my position as the black sheep of the family. I used to write a lot but once I became a wife and mother there was no time for that anymore. I have never been good at socializing. I am awkward and never know what to say, how to say it, or when. I have been using this blog as my venting place for all sorts of things though I do hope to include some more pleasant entries in the future. I was obese just a few months ago. I have lost 40 pounds so far and am on my way to a healthy weight. I have some good "fitness friends" who have provided support, encouragement and advice which kept me from getting derailed. I am working on self improvement in a lot of ways. I can't be perfect but I can be better at the very least.

2 thoughts on “Feeling “that” way.”

  1. Apparently, I start feeling that way whenever I try to talk about it. Keeps me humble? Maybe it just keeps me fat. I hit my “scream” weight (the one I never want to hit) and so my husband made baklava.

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  2. Scream weight! What a day that was eh? I remember thinking I could easily roll myself through town if I got any rounder. I can’t seem to get my mojo back. I haven’t gained, but I damn sure aint losing.

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