The emotional roller coaster.

I have had quite a day of extreme feelings. Anger here, sadness there, frustration here confusion there. Trying to sort through all of these feelings I have right now is like trying to sort a mountain of mismatched socks. Is that navy or black? This one has no match. Etc….

Death does these torturous things to the living, the dead never feel a thing. The mystery surrounding the death of my cousin Mary is slowly dissipating. They think it was a gang initiation. The theory is that Mary was driving and the suspects sped up to get next to her then shot her in the head. She then crashed into a fence. First they said she was in an apartment complex then they said it was a side road behind the apartment complex, first they say she died at the scene then they say she made it to the hospital alive and died shortly after. There are no definitive answers right now which just makes it all a little more difficult to deal with. They do believe they have a suspect and it is only a matter of time before they close in and make an arrest. Then we will know who and why with certainty.

I feel guilty for originally thinking she had been out doing dangerous things that blew up in her face. I just felt that given the things she had been doing and the location and circumstances surrounding her death it just seemed logical and likely that she was involved in a drug deal gone wrong.

I hope she did not suffer a long death. She was a troubled soul and lived a troubled life. I have sent many a prayer up for her, and I continue to do so now. I pray for God to have mercy on her soul, I pray for the shooter, I pray for her mother, father and brother, and I pray for me because my feelings are so all over the place right now. I need help from the Lord to reel myself back in.

Tomorrow is a new day which will hopefully bring more answers and an arrest.



Author: learninglife203

Any time I sit down to put anything in an "about me" section I draw a blank. Let's see if after all these months of having this blog I can drum something up. Hmmm.... Well I can't commit. I have trouble doing anything with the stench of permanency attached to it. I have two children and we are a home school family and we like it! I have a lifelong history of depression and roughly the past 25 years of my life panic and anxiety.I come from a long line of alcoholics and drug addicts and crazy people I'm afraid. I have always been told I am the normal one. I guess all that sobriety must have ensured my position as the black sheep of the family. I used to write a lot but once I became a wife and mother there was no time for that anymore. I have never been good at socializing. I am awkward and never know what to say, how to say it, or when. I have been using this blog as my venting place for all sorts of things though I do hope to include some more pleasant entries in the future. I was obese just a few months ago. I have lost 40 pounds so far and am on my way to a healthy weight. I have some good "fitness friends" who have provided support, encouragement and advice which kept me from getting derailed. I am working on self improvement in a lot of ways. I can't be perfect but I can be better at the very least.

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