Dizziness. THAT’S what. Why? I have no idea. How? Well, because of BPPV. Or benign paroxysmal positional vertigo. I had a round or two of that stupid thing where “ear rocks” come loose and go gallivanting around in the balance apparatus. Usually a few simple head maneuvers is all it takes to fix this thing.
Yet… panic. When I feel any remote hint of a dizzy or lightheaded feeling panic always follows. I don’t get dizzy all the time. And when I do it is usually from my glasses, or turning around too fast or something like that. There is always a logical and non worrisome reason.
But… let me freak out about it right quick alright?
I have lost hours of sleep at night if I wake with a dizzy moment due to sleeping with a “crooked neck” or a rogue ear crystal, dehydration, or whatever it may be. I feel the dizzy wave then comes the adrenaline rush. All out panic. Then the absurd part. I just can’t bring myself to lie back down because I am terrified of another dizzy feeling. I will pace the floor, sit on the edge of the bed scrolling through websites, Google searching reasons for feeling dizzy, how to calm panic, blah blah blah. But I won’t get back into bed and try to go back to sleep. As the hours trudge past I watch the minutes. 5:30 am? Then about 45 minutes later it’s 5:33 am. You get the idea. Then it’s, “Okay! I am going back to sleep now!” (just as soon as I get another drink of water….check my pulse… check Face Book one more time…. do another Google search….check my pulse…. check my email again….. go to the rest room again….check my pulse….etc….) There I sit perched on the edge of the bed. Contemplating how well I could sleep while sitting up. And you will be glad to know that last night I actually did so well at this that for a few minutes I didn’t even realize I was dozing while sitting straight up. Not even leaning back against something. Just sitting right on up. This is the kind of insanity going on in here at night.
Over the years I have employed meditation and relaxation to varying degrees. I have yet to make it a permanent practice. However when I do it helps me immensely. Kind of keeps the old flight or fight response from kicking me around so much. I have gotten pretty good at talking my self back to reality much of the time. My goal is now to establish (again) and actually maintain some kind of regular practice. For my sanity at the very least.